


Bad Neighbourhood

by The_Exile



Category: Mother 3, StreetPass Battle | Warrior's Way, StreetPass Garden | Flower Town, StreetPass Squad | Mii Force, StreetPass Trader, StreetPass Zombies, StreetPass fishing
Genre: Aliens, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, POV First Person, Plants, Spoilers, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:52:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Exile/pseuds/The_Exile
Summary: A small solar system with one inhabited planet who don't even have space travel shouldn't have this many problems yet.





	Bad Neighbourhood

I'm not sure what the heck it is about this solar system but since I've been transferred here I haven't been able to catch a break. The system has more problems in one single inhabited planet and its surrounding space lanes than most entire galactic sectors can collect at once. Heck, the planet itself doesn't even have space travel yet. All of the trouble is with invaders and they don't even really understand that they have an intergalactic security problem yet.

I was sent here to pick up the bounty on the Gold Bone but that small-time pirate captain is the least of this place's problems. No, he was mostly fooling around in the asteroid belt, mining moons for water without permission, setting up funfairs with no health and safety regulations and building phallic-looking battleships. Even the UFO we found crash landed in a coral reef that was mutating marine life to create gigantic formerly extinct species wasn't the real problem; hell, even the zombie plague from that meteorite got sorted on its own. 

No, the point at which we were certain that something was very wrong with this sector was when we found Mendel and Wentworth on the same planet. Yes, THAT Mendel and Wentworth. Two of the galaxy's top ten most wanted criminals. Mendel the illegal terraformer and hydroponics scientist who had created hundreds of death worlds filled with the nightmarish jungles of his illegal, hostile giant plants. Mendel the man who would sell weaponised plants to both sides of a war, or have planetary governers discreetly poisoned if he wanted a planet taken over by the right person to further his goals. Mendel the man who had cults on at least fifty of those planets. And THAT General Wentworth, the war profiteer who befriended would-be planetary conquerors, set himself up as an advisor and sowed galactic conflict on a scale to rival the fast-spreading seeds of Mendel's plants. Wentworth who had destabilised three entire sectors by pitting every ruler against each other until a victor arose who was entirely dependent on their unhinged strategist who always ordered them to take the war to a higher scale.

As if that wasn't bad enough, we caught sight of that creepy blue-skinned, silver-haired boy, the fat kid who also sort of looks like an old man and also a corpse and who we think has been through a lot of poorly shielded dimensional travel, maybe even a time paradox or at least five. Whatever the case, he's pretending to be a stockbroker again. He always goes for big business and always on planets at a certain quite primitive level of social development where you can still get away with anything, no questions asked, if you have money. Then he does things to the world that Mendel and Wentworth would think twice about doing, unless of course he's already bought the other two out or done something weird with time and space to make it so they were always on his side. Nobody's quite sure what that guy is capable of, only that he's been kill-on-sight literally everywhere for longer than anyone can remember. 

What's his name again? His actual name, not one of his hundreds of aliases? Oh yeah, Pokey. Pokey Minch. 

If it's really him, it might explain what's going on with this place after all. I'm probably in way over my head, though. I should go back and tell the Chief, get a proper squad together, maybe even contact the Government bigwigs and get the Feds out here.

If I make it out of here in one piece...

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so he has green hair but Wallace Street still looks a hell of a lot like Pokey to me, and Pokey has been a big business advisor before.


End file.
